New Girlfriend Job Search

Enjoy this amazing OFF TOPIC (gasp) story I wrote...There is nothing else going on!

You are currently working at a dead end girlfriend. You can't take it anymore. The days are long and repetitive and you don't feel you are being rewarded for all your good deeds. But if you leave that girlfriend, you won't have any relationship. If you don't have any relationship, how can you survive?

So you decide to keep your current girlfriend, but actively search for a new one. You post your resume on Match.com and begin talking to friends & family about opportunities. Eventually, you come across some potential girlfriends.

Now, you have to call your current girlfriend and pretend you are sick, while you really are going out with another girlfriend on a date. You put on your best suit and review all your material before your first date. You practice many date questions like "Where do you see yourself in 5 years" or "How much money do you expect to make".

You make sure to arrive on time and seem very positive during the date. Everything goes great and you feel like you have a good chance at becoming the next boyfriend of the girl. And like any good date, you lie and exaggerate your current accomplishments.

Three days after the date, you send her a letter telling her how much fun you had on the date and how much you like her values. A few days later, you are called in for a 2nd date. This is great, but this date is much harder. This may be your final chance to impress the girl. The questions get much tougher. "Give an example of a time in which were relatively quick in coming (to a decision)" or "Describe some times when you were not very satisfied or pleased with your performance...What did you do about it? "

Days later, she calls you back and gives you the good news. You have a new girlfriend! But how do you break this news to the old one.

It's very simple. Have a face-to-face meeting with her and tell her you will no longer be dating her in 2 weeks. Some people suggest a phone call or email, but the professional way to do it is in person. In most cases, the girl will tell you that you can go away immediately, and you won't have to do anymore of that awful work.

The first few weeks with the new girlfriend are a little tough to adjust to. But you will get the hang of it. Just remember not to ask for sex (a raise) until you have been there awhile. (Note: Some marriages (companies) may only give you one annual sex (raise))

Now that you have a new girlfriend, don't get too happy. You probably will want to switch girlfriends in the future to further your life. Keep a folder with all your accomplishments, poetry, and love letters. You may need them for your next girlfriend. Always keep your Match.com fresh and updated and practice dating occasionally.

You never know when the next big opportunity will come up. And always remember: If you keep working hard and impressing your girl, you may one day get promoted to Husband.