I Need A New Job!

I am currently looking for a new job. Here are my skills.

Graphic Design: I can take the head of Gilbert Arenas and paste it on the body of anyone.
Writing: I say things that other professional writers are afraid to say, like "word up".
Marketing: I know how to make money, as seen by my 0 ads on the site.

In reality, I have been working in the marketing field for the last 3 years. I am the sole graphic designer for my company, where I design advertisements for our 1,500 customers, but I do much more than that. I developed and worked within a $35,000 annual budget, and forecast future budget requirements & changes. I have done several promotions and event marketing. I am in charge of purchasing, organizing, and distributing point of sale. I love to work hard and as you can tell by this blog I am really really hilarious. Plus, when I get home from work you know I'll be creative writing, attending sporting events, working out, and other positive activities. I won't be laying in a bathtub with razor blades nearby.

Any help would be appreciated as my company was sold and I will no longer be able to work on November 2nd because there will be no company.

I have resumes ready to go...email whitepresident AT gmail

(don't worry, thats not my real email address)