Presidential Basketball Court At The White House

Written By Chris C-Ford ---- Thursday, November 6, 2008

New President Obama has said he wants to get a hoop for the White House. Before he goes down to Sports Authority, he should go over his options...(You Can Vote On The Right Side)
The Portable Hoop

This is the most awful kind of hoop to get. Sure you can move it from place to place, but has anyone actually ever done that. These hoops are usually found in front of a house in the street, so that if the police ever come by, you can pretend like there is a chance you will move it out of the public street.

Portable hoops can also be found behind businesses & warehouses. In this situation, there is no net, the last time anyone used it was 30 years ago, and the "court" usually consists of trash dumpsters and asphalt covered in oil spills, garbage, & nails.

The best part about getting a portable hoop is that Obama can play basketball wherever he wants. The oval office, the west wing, the driveway. Just have some secret service guys roll it where you want it.

Another good thing is that Obama can lower the rim so that he can dunk it. That's the reason he convinced his parents (the cabinet) to get it for him. He can take out his boombox, pop in Jock Jams Vol 2, and have Joe Biden tape him making a dunk video.

Some negatives include the whole hoop tipping over after an 8 foot Obama power slam, and the fact that you look cheap by having this monstrosity of a hoop in the White House driveway.

The Permanent Adjustable Hoop

This has all the lowering the rim benefits of the portable hoop, with a little more class & style. Since it can not be moved, you have to find the perfect spot to install it. This spot does not exist, and Obama will end up with a hoop that is on a slanted hill, or where all the rebounds go into the pool. Plus the driveway is probably not flat ground and there will be all sorts of weird dribbling angles.

The Over The Garage Hoop

This is a classic hoop that requires no pole. The problem with this hoop is that it is never 10 feet. Who knows how big the White House garage is. Besides the unofficial height, these hoops lead to trouble. When you miss, the ball hits surrounding Secret Service vehicles, dents garage doors, crushes flowers from the garden, and breaks lawn lights. Plus when Obama goes in for the layup, he will end up crashing into the garage door & getting injured.

The Outdoor Asphalt Court

This is the most classic playground court. Some hot, weird angled, asphalt that destroys you when you fall to the ground. If you get this court, you may as well get some chain nets and a double rim. Put it right on the front lawn and watch all the pickup games form. Biden has next!

A downside to this court is that one rim will be 11 feet tall and the other 9 feet tall. Also the sun will always be in your eyes. Then in 20 years, after more old presidents that only play golf, this court will deteriorate. The asphalt will crack, the rims will be bent and uneven. Nets will be gone. People will stop playing basketball on it. And that's when the Skateboarders & Roller Hockey guys take over. Get those Palin Kids out of there!

The Outdoor Tennis Court

If Obama Likes his feet to be on fire, this is the court for him. Just about equal to the asphalt court, the tennis court gives you that added rug burn when you get fouled hard. If you are lucky enough not to fall down, you will go home only with blisters all over your feet.

The Indoor Court

If you have the money, this is the court to get. And Obama does. Reserved for gyms with membership fees, state run institutions, and millionaires, this court has it all. Actual regulation rims. Actual regulation size. Climate Control. No rain outs. Obama will love this court.

The problem is that this court takes up a lot of space. Obama will have to institute a "b-ball tax". Plus, when Obama is out of office, Sarah Palin will put an ice rink under the hardwood and a volleyball net at half court.


Obama is the president. He needs to have an indoor court. He needs to be able to invite over NBA players for pickup games without them getting injured. But he also needs to get an outdoor court. The outdoor court says "America". Put it right on the front lawn. Just make sure secret service doesn't let any "almost" fights, with people bragging about owning firearms and knowing how to use, them happen like at the real outdoor courts.

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