Why I Don't Have Season Tickets

In 2005 my friend and I went to a few Wizards playoff games as the Wiz made it to the 2nd round. In 2006 we went to the playoff games again, which were even more exciting, but yet again the Zards lost. When that series ended we were so amped up about the failed potential that we purchased the season ticket plan for the next season costing us $672.

Half because we wanted to go to a lot of games, and half because we knew we wouldn’t have to go through all the same trouble to get playoff tickets. After all, in the East the Wiz were guaranteed to make it…right…

One day upon arriving at home I realized there was a FedEx package sitting on the doorstep. I wasn’t expecting any package but it was addressed to me. I was excited about what the box might include but had no specific guess. When I opened the box I smiled like I was 8 years old on Christmas morning. It was my season tickets! This meant I was officially an adult. It came in exciting packaging and contained a booklet of tickets that was absolutely beautiful. I stared at them for a while and kept going back into my room to look at them the rest of that night. I may have even slept with that box that night. I couldn’t believe it. I was actually a season ticket holder.

As the first home game rolled around I was excited. I anticipated the Wizards would at least make it to two rounds of playoffs with a championship as a long shot. Gilbert Arenas, Caron Butler, Antawn Jamison…it was going to be a great season. I put on the Wizards VIP Ticket Holder lanyard that came with the tickets and my brand new #0 Gilbert Arenas jersey. This was the beginning of attending every regular season home game for the rest of my entire life…right…

Eight Games. Eight lousy games. That was as far as All-Star and franchise savior Gilbert Arenas made it that season. Did we really just spend almost $700 for this? I want my money back! Fortunately for us, the excitement of having our first year of tickets and a boatload of hope in Caron Butler kept us coming back to the games. We knew it would be worth it because we would get to go to the playoffs and have a chance for an upset. Plus there were rumors that despite having a bad record, Gilbert Arenas would come back for the playoffs and return the team to glory. We were so into the “now” that we didn’t care how hurt he was, we wanted him back.

Well of course Gilbert hurt himself even worse, and despite that we decided to renew our season tix. We were guaranteed by Gil that he would train harder than anyone ever trained in order to be back. Well the season arrived and “you motherfucker (denzel in training day style)”. Gilbert was going to be out for basically the season again! I want my money back round 2!!!! The team struggled all season and didn’t even make the playoffs. We went to maybe half the games. Gil even tried to come back, probably hurting himself worse again! I’m never buying tickets again! Or am I…

Ok. So last 2 seasons were flukes. Gilbert was injured, but we still have the same core guys. This is our year. A few key trades, and BAM the Wiz are a contender again! Season tickets renewed! The season began and Gil was not really Gil. But he was back and was putting some excitement back into the Verizon Center. Ok, we can still make the playoffs, so the purchase was worth it. NOT! Gilbert brings guns to the locker room, goes absolutely insane, goes to jail, whole team is traded. I don’t even think we went to one game after that.

So now it is a new year. The Wizards drafted John Wall. Gilbert is not suspended, and is back in action. Excitement is returning. Season tickets renewed? Not a fucking chance. Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. Fool me three times send me to the mental hospital. Fool me four times…no way…F You Wizards. And F You Gilbert…wait were we the bad luck charms…