Barack Obama Washington Posts: $5

Written By Chris C-Ford ---- Saturday, November 8, 2008

As I was getting on the metro last night in Rosylyn, I realized that I needed to get a newspaper so I could do the crossword puzzle on my commute. I reached into my pockets and did not have any quarters. Just dollar bills. (and hundreds...ladies) I also realized that I had already done the crossword puzzle from the day's Washington Post anyways, so quarters wouldn't help.

Enter lady from the Washington Post, selling papers outside of the machine! I'm saved. I noticed that it was the paper from when Obama won! I didn't do that puzzle yet. She appears to have change! Why is she changing out $20 bills for a paper that costs 50 cents?

Because she is selling the paper for $5 a piece. And they are selling like freaking hot cakes. It is the "commemorative" issue. Ug newspapers are struggling.

Note: If you buy a reprint of Spiderman #1 comic, it is worthless.
Note: You just bought a reprint of the newspaper.

This bro feels like it will be a good investment to purchase 2-3 papers at 10x the actual value. The girl behind him phones her facebook friends to ask how many she should purchase. "they only have 30 left!"

The embarrassing part was when I went over there expecting to pay between 35 cents and 50 cents for a paper to remove the style section and throw in the trash. Boy did I look like an ass. "Uh It's $5" I became furious that I could not get this paper and do a puzzle.

Note: If everyone has something, it's value goes down!

Irregardless, I immediately phoned my mother and told her to take the Obama paper out of the trash and save it for me. If I can make $5, I'll be happy. It may not be the commemorative issue, but judging from the # of people buying it, my regular non-commemorative paper will be worth more. And it will actually be the real paper, not a duplicate remake. SUCKERS!

But $5 isn't a lot. So now I wait. And hope. For change. Yes We Can!

That change is a female president. Do I care about breaking the barriers? Not at all. I just want to wake up at 4am and purchase 500 copies of the paper. Then sell these papers for $5 each, subsequently becoming a millionaire.

This plan does have one flaw. In order for it to work a woman has to be elected president. This could never happen. Or when it does happen, at least 50 years from now, newspapers will no longer exist. BAH!


Anonymous said...

irregardless is not a word

Chris Ford said...

Irregardless is the greatest word ever. Mostly because it isn't a word, but toatally sounds awesome. Its pure comedy.