An Andray Blatche Drinking Game Circa Nov 2008

Written By Chris C-Ford ---- Tuesday, December 27, 2011

I found this in the archives from November 2008.  What the hell was I thinking.  This is the most complicated game of all time.  

Here is a fun drinking game to play while watching a Wizards game. Make sure Blatche is active for the game. The semi-complicated math makes the game twice as fun!

First thing you need to do is get a sheet of paper. At the top write a column for Points, a column for Turnovers, and a column for Personal Fouls. During the game, keep these statistics for Andray Blatche, you will be needing them.

Choosing Your Bet:
Now you must choose your bet. You can either bet that he will have more Points, or more Turnovers & Fouls combined. Be sure to circle Points, or both Turnovers & Fouls.

If Andray Blatche is in the starting lineup, DRINK for good luck! Skip the countdown section and go straight to Magic Time. If he isn't starting, continue with the countdown section.

Blatche Up & Down Countdown:
If Blatche is not starting, we are ready for the Blatche countdown. This is the exciting stage where we yell "put Blatche in the game!" and cheer when he gets on the floor. Here are the rules for this stage. Remember, once Blatche is in, this stage is over, and the real game begins.
  • At the start of the game, STAND.
  • Wizards lose the tip, DRINK. Andray would have won the tip.
  • 30 seconds into the game clock (11:30 left) , DRINK & SIT.
  • 30 seconds later (11:00 left), DRINK & STAND.
  • Repeat this process every 30 seconds. Drinking, Sitting, Standing.
  • If you are sitting when Blatche gets in the game, FINISH & be happy.
  • If you are standing when Blatche gets in the game, FINISH & don't sit until the next commercial.
Magic Time:
When Blatche checks into the game it is Magic Time. we have a new set of rules. First off, get a new beer if you just finished yours. You are going to need to be pretty drunk to take what you are about to see. Get your pencil ready to keep those stats!

*Breaking The Seal: Drink every Wizards basket until Blatche gets a point, turnover or foul. Then, Drink first, then record, then assess what your new multiplier is.

--If points are ahead, your multiplier is (1)
--If turnovers are ahead, your multiplier is (2)
--If fouls are ahead, your multiplier is (3)

--If points is tied with anything, your multiplier is (1)
--If turnovers & fouls are tied, your multiplier is (2)
  • Every basket, foul shot, turnover, or foul by Andray Blatche, DRINK
  • Every time you think "Pass it to a guard!, DRINK
  • Every time you think "Box Out!", DRINK
  • Every dribble before half court, DRINK
  • Every behind the back or through the legs dribble, DRINK
  • Every no look or one handed pass, DRINK
  • Every 3 point attempt (double if missed), DRINK
  • When he is finally subbed out, DRINK, continue to bench time
Bench Time:
When Blatche comes out of the game DRINK because you are upset! Now enjoy the Bench Time segment of our game. This replaces the Countdown stage from before.
  • Every opposing team basket, DRINK. Blatche would have blocked that shot.
  • Every Wizards turnover or foul, DRINK. For stealing those stats away from Blatche.
  • If they cut to Blatche on the bench looking disgruntled (use your own judgement) DRINK.
  • Once he comes back in the game, DRINK, go back to Magic Time
Final Tally:
When the game comes to a close go back and total up your stats. Finish up with drinks for the following. The multiplier is no longer in effect.
  • If Andray fouled out, FINISH & crack open a new one
  • If the Wizards lost the game, DRINK
  • If Andray lead the Wiz in Points, DRINK
  • If Andray lead the Wiz in Turnovers, DRINK
  • If Andray lead the Wiz in Fouls, DRINK
Now Check where you circled. If you picked the correct answer between Points and Turnovers/Fouls, you are a WINNER. You can quit drinking. If not, FINISH your beer.

Vomit if necessary...


One Hit Wonder said...

Can you actually play this game without looking at the rule sheet?

Chris Ford said...

Nope, this is the worst game of all time. I don't remember coming up with this. When I saw it I couldn't believe I had put this online.