Five Dollar Footlong Hell

Written By Chris C-Ford ---- Friday, April 18, 2008

Five Dollar...Five Dollar...Five Dollar Footlong.........

I've seen the commercial for Subway about a million times. Over & Over & Over. This is a deal I will never forget because Its been bashed into my brain. So today I decided to go to the place closest to work for lunch, which happened to be Subway.

I order my footlong turkey, get to the counter, and the kid at the counter says "$7.32" When he said this I felt like my head was going to explode. Not because he worked at the Subway and should know the prices, but because it seemed to me that it may be possible that he did not ever see that commercial.

The fact that he didn't see this commercial made me think of him in a different light. Like he was unamerican. I would understand if he didn't know the pledge of allegiance. I would even understand if he didn't know the National Anthem. But not knowing the $5 footlong song, UNACCEPTABLE. Thats only slightly better than not knowing 'This is our Country', which I believe should be treason, and death by firing squad.

When I took a second to reevaluate the situation, I realized that I was not only angry but jealous as well. I had to suffer through watching & listening to that stupid song. I had to live with the shame of getting caught humming the song in the office. I had to lay awake at night praying the images of the commercial would leave my head. This guy didn't. And I was angry. I wanted to bring in a TV & VCR (daddy, whats a VCR?) and hold his eyes open like Clockwork Orange and make him watch the commercial. If I have to suffer, so does everyone!

Also, I thought that maybe Subway tells him to charge regular price until the customer mentions the deal. That is kind of upsetting as well, but that is for another day. (This has happened to me at 2 diff subways, and the trend says this is probably the truth)

So now that I've vented I am no longer angry at that kid from Subway. But I still have to live with the song appearing at random times in my head. When I'm driving to work. When I'm surfing the web. When I'm using "the facilities". Even that special night when I'm all alone and Cathouse is on HBO, the song will appear (midway)...and ruin everything...Holy crap its probably in my s-bank...right next to Betty White...

Five Dollar...Five Dollar...Five Dollar Footlong.........

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