Fire Eddie Jordan?

I came across an online petition or something like that today. It was a petition for the Wizards to fire Eddie Jordan. (Boo) I'm guessing its from end of last season, but it is described as:

Eddie Jordan has "coached" the Washington Wizards to three consecutive playoff appearances, but it is clear that he is preventing this team from moving forward. From his favortism of players to his disasterous substitution patterns and lack of care for defense, Jordan has this team riddled in mediocrity.

So far 32 people have "signed" this poorly spelled petition. People that clearly listed their real names like Terrell Owens, Anonymous, Abe Pollin, and Jack. Wow, I think the Wizards may listen to you! Feel free to sign this meaningless page with positive or negative comments. However, make sure you are firing the right Eddie Jordan.

At least one person signed the Wizards petition thinking it was something completely different. Some poor old lady probably who didn't know how to use the world wide internet. What she and possible others were looking for was a different petition.

The other petition out there is one calling for the firing of Eddie Jordan, a New Orleans Parish District Attorney that is getting slack for being corrupt. This one actually has 1379 signatures and looks much more official. Apparantly this Eddie Jordan is a big jerk. So I agree. Eddie Jordan should be fired! (but not the Wizard's Jordan)

As for our Jordan, all I can say is that I like him as a coach and I loved him in Hustle & Flow.

Who Is Patrick McEnroe?

I had no clue what Gilbert was talking about. It seems like every time I turn on PTI, I see neither Tony or Wilbon, so I turn it off. Apparantly one of the two guys hosting was Patrick McEnroe. Like everyone else I wanted to know "Who the hell is this guy, and how did he get on PTI...they must be desperate" Besides "the 2nd worst guest host in the history of PTI" (Dan Le Bastard), there were other parts to that answer.

Patrick McEnroe is John McEnroe's less successful younger brother. Aside from not being in the movie Big Daddy like his brother, Patrick is also not know for being known by anyone. He never won a singles championship in his career. He was a good doubles player, but who cares, doubles sucks. Plus, I'd like to see the breakdown on how many points he scored vs his partner. As a TV guy, he is sometimes on Cold Pizza. Wow he must be good.

I can only guess that PTI called up John McEnroe to guest host. John was too busy hitting solid gold tennis balls into piles of money. Meanwhile, he knew his brother was hitting those tennis balls people hit over the fence that kids collect into a wall (the only one who will play with him). He told PTI "sure my brother sucks, but if you do this favor for me, I'll repay you in the future" (look forward to John guest hosting Who's Now, or doing an entire episode of SportsCenter)

Really I don't think Gilbert even knew that this guy was a tennis player, or John McEnroe's brother. If he did, that blog would have been much meaner. And while Gilbert should have cited his source as "seen on TV" at the least, this rant makes him more relatable & a better blogger. All he needs to do now is type it himself.

Ready To Rule!!!!!!!!!

Last year, the Wizards slogan was "Go All In". A Very good slogan when playing Texas Hold'em, but doesn't really make sense in basketball. This year the slogan is "Ready To Rule".

Because the Wizards are not really world leaders, I'm guessing that rule is used like "rule the school" (rule the NBA!) or "you rule dude!" I haven't heard that since DJ Tanner said it on Full House like 40 years ago. Anyways, I decided to come up with some slogans that are much better than stealing one from the Sacramento Kings and a little more related to the Wizards. (actually these are so terrible...wow)

Wizards 2007-08
--"There's No D In Wizards"
--"Gilbert's Final Year"
--"Basketball Evolved"
--"Attack Like A Shark"
--"Horcrux!" (uhhh)
--"It's more than a game... It's the chance of a lifetime"
--"Follow the hardwood floor road"
--"We'll Get You My Pretties"
--"Let The Wizards Begin"
--"Dagger!"

Really it should be "Dagger". It works both when they are winning and losing. Has the season started yet...

Wizards Dance Team

You've seen them walking around the loop at the Verizon Center. Sketchy guys following them, approaching them, getting photographs & (haha) autographs. You kinda look at some of the girls and say "her?"

I don't really get the dance team. It seems like they do the same thing every game. They take a song, chop & destroy it, speed it up, and then spin & fall & dance. They never even do the classic "line up and kick their legs at the same time move" that you always see. (man I hate that move. Everyone always cheers. I don't get it). And from the upper deck, all you see is tiny fly size women, meaning it could be an Entourage (mayor guy) situation for all I know.

I'm assuming the idea is to "pump up the crowd" meaning "getting the mostly male crowd excited". Woo Hoo. I'm pumped. Sure they do charity work and good things, but that is irrelevant at this time.

Please keep in mind my opinions would be completely different if I was in the lower lever. Then, I would be in love...

All that aside, I couldn't help but click on the Wizards Dance Team link this week at the Wizards homepage. (I'm only male human) They promised videos & pictures, a key ingredient to most sites I visit. I was surprised to see that Gilbert Arenas & Blah Blah Pecherov were in many of them. (Its like that crucial second where they zoom in on the guys face or...nevermind) This caused me to do something that I don't normally do, but say I do, and that is read the article.

Apparently, Gil & Pech (& Mike Hall) were judges at the dancer tryout. They came in to help pick between 3 finalists. Now this seems very unfair to me. You work your whole life at dancing. You practice dribbling with both hands, run wind sprints, & shoot 1,000 jumpers a day (or whatever the dancer equivalent is) and your fate is decided by 3 guys who don't know anything about dancing (or at least I hope not).

What if Michael Jordan was cut from the Bulls by Paula Abdul or Kwame Brown (neither one knows anything about basketball). The fact that they had players help decide completely ruins any credibility the dancers had in the first place. But that won't stop me from clicking back on that link several times.

I really enjoy parenthesises today...( ( ( ( ) ( ) ) ) (

Fire Violet Palmer While You're At It

Tim Donaghy?

I know that I can't be the only one who immediately thought of Violet Palmer after hearing that a NBA ref was being squeezed by the mob. I mean its not like anyone besides Gilbert Arenas knows the name of every official, but everyone knows Dick Bavetta & Steve Javy. Other than that you could probably only name a few. (Bennett Salvatore, Joe Crawford, Bernie Fryar...they all sound familiar) But if your favorite team was playing a game that Palmer was officiating, then you will never forget that name again.

After every call your stomach cringes like you are watching Larry David blurt out the C-word on Curb Your Enthusiasm. In this case, it is not funny. (although the c-word probably does come up) Then they show the replay and you cringe even more.

In a way I felt relieved thinking that Palmer was the bad guy . At least that would explain some of the things I saw on the court. It actually made me feel better. I figured she was just insane or blind or a woman, but this was her way out.

Later that night however, they released the name of the ref involved. It was Tim Donaghy, not to be confused with Jack Donaghy. (Who the hell is Tim Donaghy) He is most well known for being part of the crew that gave San Antonio a championship (see video here).

Sure this is a big deal. The NBA could go under. My season tickets could go un-refunded. I will have to start watching hockey. But I think this statement really describes the whole situation. Tim Donaghy's actions could cause your team to lose, while Violet Palmer's actions WILL cause your team to lose. (What is that an analogy, a metaphor, an anagram?)

Every Wizards game this year I plan to check out the officiating crew beforehand. I plan to attend every Violet Palmer game. So beware Violet. Your friend Roy G Biv won't be there to help you. My screams will be heard from the upper-upper deck. Whether you hear them or not is a different story...